Knowledge or Lack Thereof?

Esther Leventer

יז : וּמֵעֵץ הַדַּעַת טוֹב וָרָע לֹא תֹאכַל מִמֶּנּוּ

17 : But of the Tree of Knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat of it

בראשית ב: יז

          The above piece of a passuk is from a story that we are all quite familiar with. In fact, one may argue that we are actually too familiar with it. Sefer Bereshit is a sefer that many of us don’t delve into past the 2nd grade level- and so the series of events that take place become rote and almost meaningless. We overlook glaring questions and gloss over skewed semantics, because the story has become to us much like a childhood fable. In this blog post we are going to try to uncover the hidden meaning behind a very specific concept - עֵץ הַדַּעַת טוֹב וָרָע. What does this tree represent? Is it in fact a tree? How do we define דַּעַת"”? Why doesn’t G-d want man to eat from this tree? Is the term  תֹאכַל literal? All of these questions and more will be investigated in the next few pages- ultimately arriving at the interpretation the Rambam might have drawn had he compiled a commentary on Tanach.

A few commentaries make small comments on this passage:

Ramban- don’t eat of its fruits

Seforno- in the center of the garden near the tree of life

Onkolos- don’t eat from the fruits that allow you to differentiate between good and evil

It seems that many of the commentaries on this passuk lack a deeper explanation as to what the “tree of knowledge good and evil” really was and what the true ramifications of eating from it included.

Rambam-

So let’s begin by asking ourselves the following question- What does it actually mean “to eat from the tree”? According to Rambam in Moreh Nevuchim, the term “akal” (to eat) is figuratively used in the sense of "acquiring wisdom" or "learning"; in short, for all intellectual perceptions. Rambam defends this interpretation by acknowledging that wisdom preserves the human intellect the same way that food preserves the physical human body. Rambam points out that this figurative use of the verb "akal" in the sense of "acquiring wisdom" is frequently met with in the Talmud. For example: "Come, eat fat meat at Raba's" (Baba Bathra 22a), "All expressions of 'eating' and 'drinking' found in this book refer to wisdom,"(Proverbs) etc.

According to the Rambam, the figurative meaning (to aquire wisdom) of these expressions has been so general and common, that it was almost considered to be its prime signification, and led to the use of the terms "hunger" and "thirst" in the sense of "absence or lack of wisdom and intelligence". For example, "I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the Lord"; "My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God" (Ps. xlii. 3). Instances of this kind occur frequently. Another example is found in Isa. Xii. 3 where it says "With joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation", Jonathan son of Uzziel paraphrases this: "You will joyfully receive new instruction from the chosen of the righteous." Rambam points out that the reader should consider how he explains "water" to indicate "the wisdom which will then spread," and "the wells" as being interchangeable with "the eyes of the congregation" (Num. XV. 24). By the phrase, "from the chosen of the righteous," he expresses his belief that righteousness is true salvation. In every word in this verse, which at first glance seems to be referring to physical thirst and hunger, there is some signification referring to wisdom and study.

Based on this interpretation, it seems appropriate to conclude that when Hashem commands Adam and Chava not to eat from the Eitz Hada’at tov vara, the commandment is not referring to the literal acquisition of food, but rather, Hashem is telling them not to aquire wisdom from this specific tree.

This leads us to our next question- If Hashem is commanding them not to aquire wisdom from the tree, then what kind of wisdom did they have before they acquired wisdom from it? And what new wisdom did they now embody after sinning?

Many people often refer to the tree simply as “Eitz Hada’at”. However, it is important to use its full name “Eitz hada’at tov vara”, since the tree would not be providing Adam with wisdom, for he was not void of it pre-sin. Instead the tree offers a very specific and new kind of wisdom.

According to the Rambam, through “Da’at” man can distinguish between truth and falsehood, and this is the type of wisdom Adam possessed before acquiring wisdom from the tree. Truth and falsehood is a very objective kind of wisdom. It allows one to clearly differentiate between what is and what isn’t, without the disclarity imposed by our instinctual drives and desires. The type of wisdom that the tree possessed was that of good (tov) and evil (ra). According to the Rambam, there is a significant difference between truth and falsehood and good and evil. For example, it is not correct to say, in reference to "the heavens are spherical," it is "good" or to say that the assertion "the earth is flat" is "bad": but we say of the first that it is true, and of the latter that it is false. When Adam was still in a state of innocence pre-sin, he was guided solely by reason, by truth and falsehood. Once he acquired wisdom from the tree however, Adam began to give way to his imaginative desires and to the gratification of his animalistic instincts. The type of wisdom that the tree possessed, that of good and evil, according to the Rambam, was wisdom that clouded truth and falsehood by bringing in the new elements of instinct and desire. (In Rabbi Fohrman’s book “The Beast that Crouches at the Door" he brings an example of someone who accidentally hits a parked car. In a state of emet and sheker one would know to pay the damages, but in a state where tov vara intervenes, our intellect is clouded and we may rationalize that we are not responsible) According to this, acquiring knowledge from the tree would not make Adam a greater or more powerful person as we so often believe. It would not make him more “G-dly” so to speak. In fact, it was quite the opposite; once Adam acquired wisdom from the tree he became further from G-dliness, not closer. He lost his clear perception of truth and falsehood and became the subject of desires and instincts he would now need to learn how to control. Thus, G-d was not guarding the tree for G-d’s own sake in order to maintain His position as creator, but rather for Adam’s sake.

So it is likely that, according to the Rambam, this part of the passuk means that Hashem is commanding Adam and Chava to not aquire knowledge from the tree of instinct and desire- don’t pursue this type of knowledge, it will push you further from G-d. (Some say Adam knew this and wanted to prove that he could overcome it, but because he never experienced tov and ra he didn’t know what he was getting himself into.) Adam did not have complete wisdom but one can argue that it was the most perfect kind, that of emet and sheker and that we shouldn’t search to have the most wisdom but the best quality of wisdom.

Seek out Emet and be able to recognize sheker, that is the wisdom that will bring you closer to Hashem. Adam did not initially have complete wisdom, but one can argue that according to the Rambam, it was the most perfect kind – the knowledge of truth and falsehood- and that we shouldn’t search to have the most wisdom but rather the best quality of wisdom.

By Grace, Through Faith

Max Steinberg 

 In the Ramban’s letter to his son (Igeret HaRamban) he begins with the following passage.

“Hear, my son, the instruction of your father and don't forsake the teaching of your mother (Mishlei 1:8). Get into the habit of always speaking calmly to everyone. This will prevent you from anger, a serious character flaw which causes people to sin people to sin”

        In this week’s Perasha (Chayeh Sarah), we see Abraham Avinu radiate the idea the Ramban was talking about in his letter. What does it mean to get into a habit of speaking calmly that will prevent you from getting angry?

I humbly believe that this week’s Perasha is the perfect case study for the Ramban’s theory. Abraham was on his way home from the most significant test he was faced with. He was put in a position where he had to make a choice between slaughtering his son (and his ideology), and disobeying Hashem’s command. As we all know, he passed with flying colors.

When Abraham was on his way home he was dealt, once again, another test. His wife passed away and he had no place to bury her.  He then went to Ephron, the owner of Me’arat Hamachpelah, and asked to purchase the burial place. Ephron said he would give it to him for free, but changes his mind to 400 silver coins - and this is how Abraham handles the situation

13 And he spoke to Ephron in the hearing of the people of the land, saying, "But, if only you would listen to me. I am giving the money for the field; take [it] from me, and I will bury my dead there."

יגוַיְדַבֵּ֨ר אֶל־עֶפְר֜וֹן בְּאָזְנֵ֤י עַם־הָאָ֨רֶץ֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר אַ֛ךְ אִם־אַתָּ֥ה ל֖וּ שְׁמָעֵ֑נִי נָתַ֜תִּי כֶּ֤סֶף הַשָּׂדֶה֙ קַ֣ח מִמֶּ֔נִּי וְאֶקְבְּרָ֥ה אֶת־מֵתִ֖י שָֽׁמָּה:

14And Ephron replied to Abraham, saying to him, ידוַיַּ֧עַן עֶפְר֛וֹן אֶת־אַבְרָהָ֖ם לֵאמֹ֥ר לֽוֹ:

15"My lord, listen to me; a [piece of] land worth four hundred shekels of silver, what is it between me and you? Bury your dead." טואֲדֹנִ֣י שְׁמָעֵ֔נִי אֶ֩רֶץ֩ אַרְבַּ֨ע מֵאֹ֧ת שֶֽׁקֶל־כֶּ֛סֶף בֵּינִ֥י וּבֵֽינְךָ֖ מַה־הִ֑וא וְאֶת־מֵֽתְךָ֖ קְבֹֽר:

16And Abraham listened to Ephron, and Abraham weighed out to Ephron the silver that he had named in the hearing of the sons of Heth, four hundred shekels of silver, accepted by the merchant. טזוַיִּשְׁמַ֣ע אַבְרָהָם֘ אֶל־עֶפְרוֹן֒ וַיִּשְׁקֹ֤ל אַבְרָהָם֙ לְעֶפְרֹ֔ן אֶת־הַכֶּ֕סֶף אֲשֶׁ֥ר דִּבֶּ֖ר בְּאָזְנֵ֣י בְנֵי־חֵ֑ת אַרְבַּ֤ע מֵאוֹת֙ שֶׁ֣קֶל כֶּ֔סֶף עֹבֵ֖ר לַסֹּחֵֽר:

 

 Abraham just nearly sacrificed his beloved son and his coveted ideology of what Hashem desires. On top of that emotional rollercoaster, he just lost is wife. Not only did he lose his wife, but also Chazal say that the reason Sarah died, was because Og (the giant) told her about the Akedah, and she died because of shock!

After passing such a high caliber test like the Akedah, you would think Abraham would  be able to retire from the political realm and just take a break and enjoy the rest of his life. In fact, Perashat Chayeh Sarah opens with the exact opposite chidush. Hashem is providing Abraham with yet another test. This time it’s a test of his middot, rather than his faith.

Ephron tricks and scams his way into making Abraham pay a ridiculous price for the burial grounds; 400 SILVER COINS! Rav Dessler says that this test, the test of Chayeh Sarah, is a test of whether or not Abraham has what it takes to be a “mensch.”  A test to see whether or not Abraham had what it took to “Get into the habit of always speaking calmly to everyone.”

What a beautiful midda this is! Abraham even in the toughest of situations, was able to act like a “tzadik gamur”, and speak calmly because he knew that it was his job as a Jew, to not get angry.  That’s exactly what I think, the Ramban was trying to convey to his son.

Everything We Need To Know About Israeli "Settlements"

Leo Hanono

            One of the most argued topics in today's politics is  Israel's "Illegal" or "Illegitimate" occupation of Judea and Samaria (aka the West Bank). In modern media the word "settlement" has been repeatedly used to try to deprecate the beautiful cities that have been established and have them viewed as an area of tents that can be uprooted and moved with little harm to its inhabitants. If only that were true. Israel's right to the land of Judea and Samaria goes far beyond its religious claim to it of thousands of years.

                Nearly every recent US administration, from Nixon to Obama, has called the Settlements of Judea and Samaria "Illegitimate". A word used to clearly show disapproval without deeming it counter to any sort of international law. Simply stated, because it isn't. According to the Israel Central Bureu of Statitstics, cities like Ramat Shlomo, Efrat, Modi'in Illit, Beitar Illit and countless others cities are home to 372,945 of Israel's citizens. Quite a lot of "camp-sights" one would say...

                The land of Judea and Samaria was occupied by Jordan under the 1947 United Nations General Assembly Resolution 181. It wasn't until Jordan and other neighboring countries attacked Israel in 1967, that Israel reclaimed the territory. Acquiring land as a result of war is legal . The term "West Bank" only came about as a result of Jordan''s imperialist effort to expand its borders at the cost of the newly established Jewish State's public image. Before 1967, this land was always referred to as Judea and Samaria. So what does this term mean? West Bank refers to the actual west bank of the Jordan River, though it is on the eastern border of Israel. If Jordan and other Arab countries were to use to Hebrew names of the cities, it would leave the public confused as to what their claim to the land is. As a result, many people including myself, refuse to call the area the "West Bank". This is one of the many public media stunts used to  try to deny the legitimate right to Israel's so-called occupation.

                So where does all the controversy arise? Israel has not officially annexed the land as part of the State. Doing so would grant citizenship to the 2.8 Million Palestinians living in the area, which would allow them to vote in elections which would lead to the end of Jewish leadership in Israel, and eventually, the demise of the state as a whole. However, Israel provides many utilities and financial support to the Palestinians of the area although they are the responsibility of the Palestinian Authority (PA).

                In 1947, before the establishment of the state of Israel, there was a proposed Partition Plan which would have granted an official Palestinian state as well as the Jewish state of Israel. While the plan was accepted by the Jewish public, the Arab leaders and government rejected the plan. They would not agree to any sort of partition that granted the Jewish people, their own state. The plan eventually fell apart after outbreaks of violence broke out between Arabs and the native Jewish population. This was known as the the 1947-48 Civil War . Had the plan been accepted, Palestinians would have had control over the land they seek to control now and then some. Israel would then be negotiating any claims to land with a formal Palestinian State and government and not the likes of Hamas (An internationally recognized terror organization) and the PA. In 2011 Mahmoud Abbas, President of the Palestinian Authority, stated that the rejection of the partition plan was a mistake. This is the same man who calls for the killing of Israeli civilians today.

                I've spent numerous Shabbatot in Settlement homes. With people who live there knowing that every day people try to deny their rights to live there with very little grounds to support that. These are the people who corrected my terminology when i asked how it feels to live in the "West Bank". These are the people who live their every day lives honoring the soldiers who died defending our land, by living on the very grounds on which they fought. We must do our part and speak up for those who can not speak for themselves. We can not remain silent as people try to uproot us from our land and deny our existence. May Hashem grant us peace in Israel, and may we see Jerusalem rebuilt "Bimhera B'yamenu.  

Jerusalem is Built, So Why Do We Still Mourn?

Jerusalem is Built,
So Why Do We Still Mourn?

As seen in the 'Tisha B'av Companion'

  3rd edition of the 'Holiday Companion Series'- Nathan Zaboulani

Approximately 3.5million tourists visit Israel every year. They celebrate at the Kotel, savore the fantastic cuisine of Israel’s top restaurants, unwind in lavish hotels, relax by the Eilat beach and enjoy the lively Tel Aviv nightlife. Israel is one of the most amazing places to go on vacation and has everything a tourist could ever want. Living in Israel is also easier than ever. The economy is booming, the education is excellent and the standard of living is higher than it has ever been. All of these factors make the following question particularly bothersome: why are we still mourning? What is the purpose of this twenty-five hour fast in the middle of our summer vacation? Why do we mention in practically every single Jewish prayer “May the city of Jerusalem be rebuilt”? Is the city of Jerusalem not built? It is the capital of a powerful state with a tremendous army, economy and government!

One could easily make the argument that this day of mourning we have been practicing for two thousand years has run its course. We have our state, we have the Kotel and more Jews currently live in Israel than in any other country; what more could we want? If this is the way you feel, you are probably not alone.

Yet maybe the fact that we feel this way is why we need Tisha B’Av now more than ever. It is particularly this fallacy of contentment that makes Tisha B’Av arguably the single most significant day in the Jewish calendar. On one hand we celebrate on Yom HaAtzmaut to commemorate all that we have accomplished in regards to Israel, but we mourn on Tisha B’Av to remind ourselves what we are still missing. And sadly, that list is very long. 

The reality is that we tend not to bother ourselves with this state of incompleteness. Why focus on the bad when there is so much good? Yet our Rabbis teach us:

“כל המתאבל על ירושלים זוכה ורואה בשמחתה

Those who mourn over Jerusalem will merit to see it in its state of happiness (i.e. rebuilt).”[1]

Only if we are conscious of how far we are from Israel’s real glory, will we have the chance to one day see it in its true beauty. It is actually because we have mourned for Jerusalem for two thousand years that we have progressed so much in acquiring and developing it. If we didn't have the yearly mourning of the destroyed Jerusalem, we would have forgotten about it long ago.

In the context of mourning, our Rabbis illustrate the idea of remembering and forgetting. Yaakov Avinu received the most tragic news a person could ever bear to hear. He was told that his favorite son, Yosef, was killed. All the evidence laid before him pointed to the fact that Yosef was torn apart by wild animals. The Midrash[2] illustrates the tough life Yaakov would live for the next twenty-two years: he was so distraught by his son’s apparent death that he was inconsolable. In this melancholy state, he lost the ability to communicate with God, for we know that a prophet can only receive prophecy in a sublime-elated state.[3] 

What is unique about Yaakov’s depression is that it lasted for so long. Generally a person will mourn the deceased for a year, which is why we have the custom of saying kadish the year the loved one has passed. While we often see forgetfulness as a curse, in this context it is one of the greatest blessings. If it weren't for this gift, the ability to forget, we would constantly be living with the immense pain of losing a loved one. Yaakov however simply could not move on. Hashem did not bestow upon him the gift of closure.[4] That is because Yosef was in fact still alive. There was still hope for him to be reunited with his son.

It is for that reason we still mourn for the destruction of the Temple. The Beit Hamikdash was destroyed, but that loss is not a permanent loss. We know that a day will come when we will rebuild the Temple. And until that day comes, we will continue to lament its destruction. The perpetuation of our mourning is not because it was destroyed, rather because it has yet to be restored.

~~~

While the State of Israel has flourished more in the past seventy years than any other nation, we are still without our most prized possession. There is only one place in all of Israel that it is illegal for a person to worship freely. That location is the Temple Mount. Yes, in our very own country we are the only ones not allowed, by international law, to pray where we so desire. Worst of all, the very place we are forbidden to pray is our holiest site. A Jew caught praying, or even carrying a siddur is immediately apprehended by Israeli police and could be sent to prison. Without the Temple Mount, there is no Beit Hamikdash.

The lack of our Beit Hamikdash means that practically half of the Torah's commandments are unachievable.

Korbanot (sacrifices) are not practiced in the absence of the Temple. We have no High Priest to atone for us on Yom Kippur. The beautifulmitzvot of bikkurim (first fruits), hakhel (public Torah reading in the Temple), para aduma (the red heifer), proper visits to the Temple (aliya laregel) and many more are simply impossible to perform.

It is not only the Beit Hamikdash that we are lacking. We are also without an organized Sanhedrin–the Supreme Court of Jewish law. The very same customs and laws that are supposed to unite us as a people, are now one of the causes of national divide. It is a result of the fact that we have no system for discerning national law. This is what we pray for every day: “השיבה שופטינו כבראשונה ויועצינו כבתחילה—Return to us our judges of old, and our sages of counsel as they were in the beginning.”

We also are lacking peace. We are under constant existential threat by almost all of our surrounding neighbors. War frequents itself on our small nation’s doorstep, and even when we are not at war, Israeli citizens are constantly subject to terrorist attacks.[5] As if physical danger wasn’t enough, Israel is constantly criticized and boycotted, especially on college campuses. Young naïve Jewish students all over America get caught up in Anti-Israel propaganda and end up being Israel’s main adversaries.

We are so fortunate to have the State of Israel. It is incumbent upon every Jew to visit, support and advocate for our incredible country. Yet there is much work to be done. Let this Tisha B’Av be an opportunity to reflect on how much we have to look forward to. “Those who mourn over Jerusalem will merit and see it in its rejoice.”

[1] BT Taanit 30b

[2] אבות דרבי נתן פרק ל

[3] BT Shabbat 30b; MT Hil Yesode Hatorah 7:4; Melakhim 2 chapter 3; Shemoneh Perakim Ch.7.

[4] Only after he hears the news that Yosef is alive is he able to receive prophecy. Bereshit 45:27, Onkelus translates this as- וּשְׁרַת רוּחַ נְבוּאָה עַל יַעֲקֹב אֲבוּהוֹ . Rashi- ותחי רוח יעקב - שרתה עליו שכינה שפירשה ממנו.

[5] I was personally endangered and traumatized by such an attack. While visiting Israel as best man for a friend’s wedding in 2014, our car was bombarded by large rocks while we were stopped at a red light in the Pisgat Zeev neighborhood. The groom happened to be in the front seat of that very car, and miraculously made it to his wedding on time and unscathed.

Your Ideal Self

Jacob J. Cohen

“The self-discrepancy theory states that people compare themselves to internalized standards called “self-guides”. These different representations of the self can be contradictory and result in emotional discomfort. Self-discrepancy is the gap between two of these self-representations. The theory states that people are motivated to reduce the gap in order to remove disparity in self-guides.”

We constantly have this inner struggle between our “actual” self and what I like to call, our “ideal” self. I think anybody with a moral conscience can attest to this.

We sacrifice long-term goals for short-term pleasures. We “just this last time” things. We rationalize. We lie to ourselves. We forfeit greatness to our “actual” self.

This internal schism manifests quite strongly in our religious and spiritual lives. We all strive to connect with the Almighty. Often times however, we completely take for granted the type of mutuality that is essential to any relationship; let alone our relationship with the Creator of the world. I know I for one, am guilty of pushing off my “ideal” relationship with God to some far away time in the future when everything’s just right. A time where I’m going to be completely connected and dialed in. A time where maybe I’m not so busy. A time that is anything but right now.

On these Aseret Yemei Teshuva in 2015, this concept of right now is more salient than ever. With our attention spans decreasing by the megabyte, I think the challenge is to finally and definitively stop doing things later.

Be your “ideal” self right now. For real this time. 

Learning How to Learn

Volume I Article I

 When approaching any field of study, be it religious or secular, one must get rid of any predispositions he may have had. He must have an open mind and not be frayed by the general concepts and biases he once lived by.  Only then, can he study the subject as purely as a child who learns the alphabet for the first time.

When a child learns the Alphabet, he is amazed, perplexed, challenged, captivated, and intrigued. “Why does A come first?” He may ask. A basic question challenging the fundamental understanding of what the Alphabet is. A question, that neither you nor I in our current capacity would even think to ask when reciting the Alphabet in our minds. An open mind leads to intrigue, and arouses questions previously hidden to us.  Questioning, is how we accomplish learning.

Learning is a process humans go through unwillingly. We learn basic human actions. We learn to speak, to dress ourselves, feed ourselves, and eventually do everything we need to do to function. Concepts, however, work another way. A person can choose to remain ignorant from certain subjects. He can refuse to learn ideas and topics of which he wishes to refrain from. The only problem is when he begins to think that anything he is not privy to does not exist. In reality, nothing is further from the truth. That is the beauty of truth itself.

“You must accept the truth from whatever source it comes” – Maimonides.

Truth is the only concept in knowledge that is definite. World renowned astrophysicist, Neil deGrasse Tyson was quoted saying “The good thing about science, is that it is true whether you believe it or not.” Without getting into that particular argument, lets break down this statement and alter it a little. “The good part about the truth is that it is true whether it is known or not.” Ideas that are accepted today as true weren’t always. A commonly used example is that the Earth is round. Although not always believed, that fact always remained, that the world was indeed round all this time. Truth isn’t affected by the opinions of people. Truth remains, and it is for us to seek it out.

 “The same is the case with those opinions of man to which he has been accustomed from his youth; he likes them, defends them, and shuns the opposite views.” - Maimonides

One of the greatest flaws of humans (for an intellectual pursuit) is our constant desire for security. We learn something in our youth and it is then forever engraved in our minds as not only true, but as a fundamental of life itself. We then grow up comfortable with life through these ideas, and defend them as if our whole world was held together by the actuality of a particular concept. Anything that challenges these concepts is viewed as an attack on our mind’s current state of security. If we grow comfortable with thoughts and ideas we would never progress. To honestly learn, one must be willing to understand that what he once held as true can no longer be. Abandoning what is false and moving on in life with what he has acquired to be true.

In order to study, we must have the proper minds for it. We have to think openly and freely. We have to allow our minds to see the hidden and question what we take for granted. We must understand truth, its permanents and its completion.  We cannot be held down and held back but what we already believe, we must be progressive. Once we have all this, we can begin our journey in hopes to understand our desired topic of learning. 

Landing in the Here and Now

Re-framing the way we look at life after studying for a year in Israel

Esther Leventer

I remember it well. Stepping on to that plane. Leaving behind the only existence I had known for what seemed like a lifetime but in truth had barely been a year. Tears streamed down my face at the heart-wrenching news of the loss of the three boys that we as a nation had been searching and praying for for many painstaking weeks. And I was alone. In every sense of the word. And I was abandoning my country in its time of need and loss. I was heading back to a place where few people would understand me.

After returning from an incredible year in Israel, many of us face a tremendous challenge. Some of us face challenges getting this opportunity in the first place, and once we finally return to our communities, we see the world in a whole new way. It seems as if everything and everyone around us has changed. The people around us seem foreign and different; the culture seems strange. But in truth, everything is exactly the same. It is we who have changed. We have grown as individuals spiritually, intellectually, and religiously. Our Amazon shopping carts become filled with books on philosophy and Tanach in place of vampires and young adult thrillers. Our minds have been opened up to endless different cultures and philosophies within Judaism and beyond. You may hear us play devil’s advocate and ask countless questions because we now thrive on a good debate; don’t worry, we’re striving for the truth and want to hear what you have to say. Our appreciation, admiration, loyalty, and love for our history and our homeland are no longer things that our limited vocabulary is capable of describing. You may find us broken beyond repair when tragedy strikes in Israel and overly enthused when we drink coke from a glass bottle. Our longing to remain connected to that experience makes it difficult for us to re-adapt to the life we have grown up with for 18 years.

It’s been almost a year now since I have been back from my unforgettable Israel experience, and I have learned so much about myself and life in general since I’ve returned. One of the most important things that I’ve learned while readjusting, is that life is not about longing and waiting to be somewhere else. Rather, it’s about making the best of the here and now and applying our unforgettable experiences to our daily lives. It’s about sharing those experiences with those that we love and admire, and remembering to remain grateful to the families and communities who have raised us and provided us with a foundation. It’s about finding new people to connect with and learning that there are many people who feel the same way and are out there waiting to meet us and share in our lives.

I have made a serious effort to stay connected to my homeland and maintain my spiritual, intellectual, and religious growth by finding things to do that drive me, inspire me and keep me connected. For example, in order to stay connected to my homeland I joined the radio team at Yeshiva University known as “WYUR”, where I have my own show called “IHeartIsrael”. I research and discuss news, events, politics, conflicts, and advancements in our country. This incredible opportunity has allowed me to be up to date with everything that is going on in Israel on a constant basis. In order to share and maintain my personal growth I started a modest fashion blog on Instagram called @imbringingclassyback, which allows me to share ways that we can dress fashionably while still remaining modest. I have also become part of a start-up website called “TorahExchange.com” where teens and twenty somethings will be able to B”H share videos of ideas and shiurim (email us at TheTorahExchange@gmail.com to be a part of this incredible opportunity). In addition, I give weekly classes at my synagogue which allows me to share all that I have been so privileged to learn with others. In order to stay connected with my friends and community, I learn Torah and Philosophy with my friends on Shabbat and during the week, which allows me to learn and grow from other people as well as share in our experiences together. I surround myself with people who inspire me and keep me grounded and motivated. I’ve learned that it is extremely important to maintain all that you have learned by incorporating it into your regular life. If we find things that we love and have a passion for, these things will help us keep a genuine connection with our homeland and keep us true to ourselves and the people that we strive to be.

Another thing that I’ve learned after returning from an unforgettable Israel experience is that life is not about finding ultimate answers and truths, but rather, it’s about searching and becoming as close as we possibly can to them. My year in Israel opened me up to a variety of hashkafot and ideas in Judaism and I returned thinking that I would have to find a way to define and label myself as a Jew, as well as find perfectly satisfying answers to all of my questions. But I realized that life is not about the answers. It’s about the struggle to reach them. I express myself better through song and poetry and I think the following poem will help convey this idea:

Im a tortured soul and I love it

Or maybe Im not but pretend to be

We cry till our tears hit the ground

So entrapped in our minds

So engulfed by our towns

The heavens consume us

Just the very thought ignites us

Step back from those frozen maps

And ponder

Maybe the purpose is to let our minds wander

And come so close to the answers

Without risking completion

And thrive on the process

Until our ultimate deletion

At least from this earth

At least from this time

From these moments we fail to live in

Until the sunsets remind us

That they’re passing us by

And the stars mesmerize us

And in awe we cry

For redemption

For love

For clarification

A life that fits like a glove

But is that how we want it

I mean truly just imagine

Without all the mystery

A severe lack of drama

Without sheer desperation

No set backs

No trauma

Well then maybe we’d just

Feel nothing at all

And the thrill would be gone

And forever we’d fall

And the achievements would lose

A bit of their sweetness

We’d crumble

Fail to climb

Eternally give in to our every weakness

The pleasure is in the struggle

In recognizing that we have what to fight for

What to live for

What to lose the fear of dying for

As I grow older, I recognize that life is about being lost and wandering. It’s about thinking and asking the better questions. It’s about taking every experience and growing. It’s about the journey and the struggle we go through in search of the ultimate truth.

So keep pushing through and always look for ways to make every experience last and become a permanent part of your life, wherever the road may take you. If you’re lucky, it just may take you back to your homeland. But until then, keep making the most of the here and now.